on finding old clothes that I made

and unlocking joy in the process

I was out at the bar last week with friends. We were laughing and chit-chatting, and I eventually made my friend Evan take a selfie with me, which is something that I do with him all the time. I kept saying “Ew!” after every picture because I had just recently shaved my beard, and I was going through somewhat of a Chin crisis. He looked me right in the face and said, “But girl, that is what you look like now.”

“…excuse me?”

Let me get one thing straight, I have to accept myself??

I love getting dressed. I love making clothes for my body. But coming to terms with a big change in your image can be hard. And it is all wrapped up in how you present yourself to the world. I wanted to shave my beard, and I am glad that I did. It pushed me out of my comfort zone and challenged me to make myself feel comfortable again.

feeling like I was in the witness protection program (in a jacket I dyed!!)

For several days after The Shaving Incident, I could not figure out how to style some of my favorite articles of clothing. At this point, my closet is almost fully made up of handmade or reworked clothing, and I felt like I couldn’t get anything to feel right with my new look.

going to a coffee shop to read a book and looking the part lol

Then, something amazing happened. I was unpacking boxes in my sewing studio with my husband, and I found a box of old t-shirts I had made. I was immediately transported back to when I made them. At the time, I was developing my first sewing pattern, and I was so full of optimism and joy about the process. Wearing this time capsule felt like a lightbulb moment. I felt like myself again.

making this shirt over a year ago!

I think that the clothing we make can hold our memories for us, it can unlock joy. All it takes is an eagerness to trudge through the difficulty of starting, and then you are on your way.

It is funny to me that up until last week, I had never worn a handmade article of clothing without a beard. The confidence I had in having a beard and making my own clothes was intertwined. But now that the Chin crisis is coming to a close, I can rest knowing that I am still myself sans facial hair.

The moral of the story? Go ahead and make the garment now. Your future self might need it.

Thanks for reading :)

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P.S. if you would like to make The Garbie Shirt, you can find a digital copy of the pattern here! Plus, my playlist of videos on the shirt here!.